Fear This: Sandy Hook Shooter Warns All Parents

Image“She wanted to give him a good day, but didn’t think enough about giving him a good life.” “She wanted to make everyone think everything was okay.”

Her son walked into the place she worked, and shot her four times; once for her, once for his dad, once for his brother, and once for himself.

Emily Miller, editor of the Washington Times, said that while everyone will comment on gun control and mental health issues, but “We can point to a mother who should have more aware”.

“I think constantly about what I could have done differently and wish I would have pushed harder” to be involved in my son’s life. “You have to know your child”.

Peter and Nancy Lanza were successful professionals; a vice-president at a large company and elementary school teacher. They had a nice home in a nice place and had, by all appearances a nice life. It seems that appearances were important. But it was hollow. Images are not real. Peter and Nancy divorced, and for two years, Peter became disconnected from his ex-wife and son. Their son, Adam Lanza grew up and is now infamous. His legacy: after studying and planning for years, he killed twenty-six innocent teachers and children at Sandy Hook Elementary School, his mother and himself in the worst rampages in our history. Something went terribly wrong in the space behind giving good days and the image that everything was okay.

As parents, we have to shift from building images to building our children within a real family. Children need parents. They can’t be brought into existence and then left to themselves to grow up or have it be expected that it’s someone else’s responsibility to ensure they’ll not only become whole, but realize great, positive potential. There’s more involved than pursuing our careers in the guise that we’re providing for the needs of our kids. The lavish things we give them are the least important. Children must know they’re more valuable than the things we propose to give them. They need to know they are not interruptions to your personal life or distractions from your career, or disruptions to your down-time. They need time, energy, attention, wisdom and love invested in them. Not to provide good days, but what is best for them for a good life. They need us to know them.

Hindsight is 20/20. Peter Lanza says we should “Fear this happening to you”. I can’t imagine coming to a place where you believe, “I wish he had never been born”. We can’t predict, nor guarantee the lives our children will lead, but we can absolutely heed this father’s agonizing plea for us to know our kids. If we choose to know them, invest in nurturing their core, and surrounding them with the right influences and leadership we, not only may prevent tragic ends, but actually enjoy significant connections with our children and see them go on to contribute their best to the world.

<P = Z (know their passions and strengths) x C5 (strengthen their core) x E (surround them with nurturing and leadership)



Can You Change Your Child’s Future by What You Do in the Next 40 Days?


It’s the beginning of Lent. I’m not Catholic, but I like turning the focus

inward; to sacrifice, giving up a bad habit or putting something positive

into practice that will connect and strengthen my spiritual core. Since I

believe that your children and mine were created specifically for a

unique purpose, using the 40 days of Lent to put 40 practices, principles

and mindsets into place that make the most of who our children have

been created to be, seems to fit the spiritual intention of the season.

Print the list.  Write each thought on a card or Post-It.  Work down the list over the next 40 days giving one some thought each day:

1. Love the child you have. Never give or withdraw affection as

reward or punishment for performance.

2. Magnify internals, diminish externals.

3. Maximize natural talents and strengths.

4. Fuel passion. Expose kids to as wide a range of interests as possible.

5. Secure their internal compass. Respect their mind and heart.

6. Emphasize process over outcome.

7. Redefine success as maximizing individual potential.

8. Evaluate objectively, not emotionally.

9. Don’t overestimate talent, underestimate character

10. There’s no “fail”: teach to learn, adjust, move forward.

11. Quitting is not an option, especially when it’s hard.

12. Encourage risk-taking.

13. Always find positives.

14. Expect excellence, not perfection.

15. Don’t rescue. Let them experience consequences.

16. Encourage 1% improvements daily.

17. Expect 100% of the best they can give.

18. Operate from a center of inner excellence .

19. Ask: What’s the wise choice?

20. Clarify Me vs. We. When do I do what’s right for the family or team

over myself?

21. Demand respect of others.

22. Understand winning and losing.

23. Own responsibility for responses in any circumstance.

24. Fulfill every commitment.

25. Honor your word.

26. Allow zero excuses or blame.

27. Choose challenge over ease.

28. Surround yourself with others going the same direction to the same


29. Have fun and laugh.

30. Coach a child to figure out solutions to their problems.

31. Don’t indulge in permissiveness.

32. Encourage them to adapt and overcome.

33. Provide what they need to chase their dreams.

34. Contribute the best to the world.

35. Control the Controllable.

36. Look for life lessons. Coach not punish.

37. Explain “why”.

38. Hold high standards and expectations.

39. Believe that hard work pays off.

40. You are the only parent they will have. No one can replace you.